Confessions Part III
Weird Al Yankovic
Straight Outta Lynwood (2006)

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These are my confessions
Just when I thought I said all I can say
I came up with more secrets to tell you today
These are my confessions
Slipped my mind the last two times, silly me
So now I gotta give you part 3 of my confessions
First I told you 'bout the skank that I was cheatin' with
Then I mentioned she's havin' my kid
That's not all...
Now I recall more, you see
So I'll give you part 3 of my confessions

Now this gon' be the hardest thing I think I ever had to do
Gonna tell you everything I left out of parts 1 and 2
Like remember when I told you that I knew Pauly Shore, Pauly Shore?
That's a lie, I don't know what I said that for
I borrowed your ChapStick from you... without asking
Oh, and I tried out your nose-hair trimmer too
And by the way, your "diamond" ring is cubic zirconium
I killed your goldfish accidentally, just replaced it with another one

These are my confessions
Just when I thought I said all I can say
I need to get some things off my chest right away
These are my confessions
Slipped my mind the last two times, silly me
I guess I gotta give you part 3 of my confessions
Threw up on your dog last time I had too much to drink
There've been times when I peed in your sink
Don't know why...
But you and I should agree
That belongs in part 3 of my confessions

Baby, forgive me, I'm still tryin' to figure out
Why I used your toothbrush to clean off the bathroom grout
Oh, and sometimes in private...
Really like to dress up like Shirley Temple and spank myself with a hockey stick
Hockey stick
My boss thinks I'm a jerk, didn't get that raise
I haven't changed my underwear in 27 days
And when I'm kissing you I fantasize you're a midget
I'm so sorry, Debbie... I mean Bridget

These are my confessions
Just when I thought I said all I can say
I've got a few more secrets I'd like to convey
These are my confessions
Slipped my mind the last two times, silly me
I guess I gotta give you part 3 of my confessions
Gave you buttered toast I dropped and picked up off the floor
FYI, it was not a cold sore (not a cold sore)
Woops, my bad... (hope you're not sore at me)
But you'll be madder at me (even wanna tell you baby)
When I finish part 3 of my confessions

[spoken]
You don't know how hard it is for me to tell you this...
But you remember that shirt you got me for my birthday?
Well, I returned it for store credit
Th-That thing was hideous... what were you thinking?
Oh, by the way, I wasn't really sick last week
I just didn't wanna go to your stupid office picnic
Oh, and when I told you at breakfast we were all outta Rice Krispies?
What I meant was...
There was only enough left for me
Sorry

These are my confessions
Just when I thought I said all I can say
I thought of some more things that should scare you away
These are my confessions
Slipped my mind the last two times, silly me
I guess I gotta give you part 3 of my confessions
Once I blew my nose and then I wiped it on your cat
And I lied - yes, that dress makes you look fat
Anyway...
I shouldn't say anymore
Till I give you part 4 of my confessions

[spoken]
I mean, I'm just gettin' started here
I'm not even halfway down the list
This thing could go on for -
Hey, where you goin'?
Honey?
What?
Was it something I said?
Women...