A Simple Desultory Philippic (Or How I Was Robert
Simon and Garfunkel
Parsley, Sage, Rosemary & Thyme (1966)

I been Norman Mailered, Maxwell Taylored
I been John O'Hara'd, McNamara'd
I been Rolling Stoned and Beatled till I'm blind
I been Ayn Randed, nearly branded
Communist, 'cause I'm left-handed
That's the hand I use, well, never mind

I been Phil Spectored, resurrected
I been Lou Adlered, Barry Sadlered
Well, I paid all the dues I want to pay
And I learned the truth from Lenny Bruce
And all of my wealth won't buy me health
So I smoke a pint of tea a day

I knew a man, his brain so small
He couldn't think of nothing at all
He's not the same as you and me
He doesn't dig poetry. He's so unhip that
When you say Dylan, he thinks you're talking about Dylan Thomas
Whoever he was
The man ain't got no culture
But it's alright, ma
Everybody must get stoned

I been Mick Jaggered, silver daggered
Andy Warhol, won't you please come home?
I been mothered, fathered, aunt and uncled
Been Roy Haleed and Art Garfunkeled
I just discovered somebody's tapped my phone