Mary Ann
Regina Spektor
Mary Ann Meets The Gravediggers And Other Short Stories (2006)

Miss Mary Ann
Kept her man
In porcupine gloves
In porcupine gloves
And
On that day
As scheduled
They made porcupine love
Porcupine love

So stiff and stuck and prickly
He came in and then back out quickly
But, lord, not any quicker than according to plan
Like a soldier
One foot in front of the other

Miss Mary Ann
Had a man named Stan
Stan Buttler
He had no antlers
He had no center
He had no enter and he had no exit

His hair was short and prickly
He came in and then back out quickly
But, lord, not any quicker than according to plan
Like a soldier, one foot in front of the other

And
How he loved her apple pies
How he loved her meat loaf
How he loved her chicken breasts
How he loved her pudding
Served promptly at eight o'clock
Served promptly at seven
Served promptly at ten o'clock
And promptly at eleven
Heaven

Miss Mary Ann
Kept her cans in alphabetical order
Miss Mary Ann
Began to have some thoughts of murder
Miss Mary Ann
Began to think real hard about her future
Miss Mary Ann
Preferred her meat to be freshly butchered

Oh, she killed him rather quickly
Man, that woman was truly sickly
But, lord, not any sicker than according to plan
Like a soldier
One foot in front of the other

And
How he loved her apple pies
How he loved her meat loaf
How he loved her chicken breasts
How he loved her pudding
Served promptly at eight o'clock
Served promptly at seven
Served promptly at ten o'clock
And promptly at eleven
Heaven

Miss Mary Ann
Kept her man
In porcupine gloves
In porcupine gloves
And
On that day
As scheduled
They made porcupine love
Porcupine lo-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-achoo!