Melody Dean
Amanda Palmer
Theatre Is Evil (2012)

I never met a lady
Quite as pretty as Melody Dean
And when I laid my head
Down on her heart
It beated out your name
And so I had to listen
To her heartbeat
Several hundred times
And she was very nice about it
Held my hand and didn't mind

I never put my foot in the same river twice
I don't like getting wet
You take the good
You take the bad
You take it all
And that is all you get
The fact is you would rather I be lonely
In a bathtub with a book
The fact is you would rather I sat pining
On our pictures from New York
New York, New York, New York

But I get torn to pieces
For the stupidest reasons
All I want's to love the one I'm with
Just like the song says

I don't like picking sides
I don't like sticking
My Cherona in a box
I like to spread her out on different crackers, yeah
I like the way she looks
And when I go to bed at night
With Melody undressing in my head
To get to sleep
You know that I would rather be undressing you instead
Instead, instead, instead

I never met a lady
Quite as pretty as Melody Dean
And even though I know you are
A little bit angry with me
You know that it is you I love
And you I want to get me off
But you can only do that when you're here
And right now you are not

I never cross the Continental Divide
Without thinking about you
I am a tree that's carved up with her name
She is a warrior tattoo
And the fact is you're selective
About what you can remember for a start
The fact is you're just jealous as all get out
We can do it in the dark
The dark, the dark, the dark

But I get torn to pieces for the stupidest reasons
All I want's to love the one I'm with
Like Stephen Stills says

I never met a lady
Quite as pretty as Melody Dean
And even though I know you are
A little bit angry with me
You know that it is you I love
And you I want to get me off
But you can only do that when you're here
And right now you are not